Joel plunges into the deep end of the Charlie Sheen pool, but makes sure to cover his nose so as not to get any "seven gram rocks" up it... Rolling Stone puts Snooki on its magazine cover, and Rolling Stone's magazine cover puts a doctor's appointment on its to-do list... Things heat up on The Bachelor between Brad and Ashley, and by heat up we mean get intensely awkward and uncomfortable... America's Next Top Model contestants scribble pictures on scrap paper and then squirt their tears at them... And Charlie Sheen releases a self-help book to teach you to be as awesomely bat-guano crazy as he is...