Kay confesses that she once kept a secret bird as a pet, until it learned how to speak and ordered Mother to take her medication 16 times, causing her to lose 22 pounds in 9 minutes. Linda's adopted daughter wants to find her birth parents, so Linda and her manager work on a scheme to hide the truth from her, but Marmalade ultimately finds out: Linda is her real birth mother! She gave her up to save her showbiz career but adopted her after a change of heart. Chic says he'll give away any secrets if the person doesn't tip him. HRH thinks Madonna is visiting and confesses adoring the blonde. Fern says her nosejob is a secret. Janie tells her shrink she'd like to be spanked, only her husband won't do it. After chickening out of a S&M club, she talks her psychologist into spanking her for a double fee. Rayleen says she was born with a small penis, which is now at exhibition at the ""Rupert Murdoch Museum of Exploitation"". She wonders if there's some of it left on her, since she feels an urg